Hi, I am Catherine and I am currently readjusting to life without gambling. Though it has been several years since I was began the process of quitting gambling, I can vividly remember the travails I encountered throughout addiction period.
I lost my loved ones, my jobs, my honour, everything except my marriage; It took up my finances, and I almost killed myself. Concurrently, I was as well hurting from unknown physiological & emotional health challenges and ailments I had no idea about till 2002.
I felt depressed, frustrated and angry.
My Initial Effort To End My Life
I opened my eyes in a room at the hospital, I could feel my wrist wrapped up in bandages, I heard people talking about knives, but I lost conscious again. All I could recall was everything seemed dark and I faded myself away to emptiness. Recently, I have become aware of what caused that empty feeling; It was caused by a collapse of my nervous system. A psychological or emotional loss of consciousness. After that, I went to see a dependence/emotional crisis centre.
I was on suicide view the first few days. A rehab specialist supervised my situation. Not to forget I was a gambler without self discipline as well. Thus, I began working with an addictions advocate too.
I had tried to halt gambling on my own but felt I could manage it on my own and I failed with several backslidings and binges even when in outpatient therapy. I suppose I had not arrived at the lowest point yet.
Even after a 20 day stay in a crisis base and suicide trial!
What Has Happened To Me?
It's called ADDICTION. It is an illness that is so difficult to subdue. But can be done. My condition didn't end there.
Not because of effectively betting, because of the budgetary weights from this sickness, I had another suicide endeavour in 2006 as it appeared I had not done what's necessary work in every aspect of recuperation, including my money related stock.
Principal step? Draft out a roadmap to your desired wellbeing. But in 2006 I also only wished to be normal, live life in recovery without having to use drugs for mental/emotional problems. Hence, I ceased taking them believing it was just the gambling that was inducing my mental malady issues of PTSD, manic depression, mild mania anxiety and bipolar insomnia cycles and OCD. Just for two weeks with no medications, I was back to desperation and suicidal thoughts. My response? I consumed all my meds at ago. I had reached to that bad, black hole of gloom once again.
I was taken back to the remedial centre where I stayed for more than two weeks amidst intense alertness by my loved ones and those in charge to prevent me from doing the worse.
When discharged this time, I had learned from my mistakes that I have to use drugs to manage my mental/emotional health and happiness as they refer to this as being "dually diagnosed or dual diagnosis."
Recuperation with even pessimistic encounters, dispersed with some "faith" can show us various life teachings in recuperation. If we are not digesting them, we won't see our development. Notwithstanding when you are not taking part in your inclination of enslavement, we can at present have issues emerge and life challenges in recuperation, so being readied is imperative.
Where Can I Be Going With This Part Of My Story?
To overcome an addiction in earnest, we need to break every manner acquired during the addictive phase Stability is the main factor that supports recovery. Acknowledge the necessary skills and tools in the therapy to treat your addiction, don't give any space in you for making excuses, refusal, and others.
The next step is understanding that the remedial process is a long term procedure. It is as crucial to accept as the first step.
Next, is having a setup which halts the regression of the whole remedial process and it is essential for any individual who desires a permanent positive outcome. We all are aware that life events happen. Not just the bad and bitter moments, there are also beautiful and sweet ones.
I think that is the reason behind the question asked by Gamblers Anonymous in our book called "The 20 Questions" to detect whether you have a gambling problem. It is the reason they posture #19.) "Did you ever have a desire to commend any favourable luck by a couple of hours of betting?" My answer was in the affirmative to the above question since I would rather relax and make merry by gambling even when I receive positive news. Nonetheless, these questions were clearly not effective since my addiction was looking grave.
I attended gatherings and met a lot of people which assisted me tremendously; the experience of other individuals with cases similar to mine kept me adequately informed of the level of deception inherent in gambling addiction. Frankly, those sites made me aware of how valuable my experience is during the remedial period same way the experience of others was of immense benefits to me.
People need to start opening their minds and be reminded about this subtle addiction. We need to disassemble the myths that have been growing in our society about this sickness and open the eyes of the sufferer of dual diagnose. Truly, managing a psychological trauma while striving to attain a state of physical well-being is exacting; however outlining my travails, makes it clear that attaining a state of physical and mental well-being is feasible and every individual struggling with a rehab can have a life of laughter and happiness even during the rehabilitation period.